Hamburg, Germany
Hamburg Actually Has No Burgers
"A city of ports, canals, and zero municipal beef patties"
Official Coat of Arms
A shield bearing the white Hanseatic castle of old, flanked by two cranes hoisting shipping containers, beneath a sky rendered permanently in shades of grey drizzle. Below, a scroll reads 'Nulla Burger Hic' — 'No Burgers Here' — in recognition of centuries of tourist disappointment.
TripAdvisor Review
★★★★☆ 4/5
"Went looking for the birthplace of the hamburger and found nothing but excellent fish sandwiches and a lot of very serious men in raincoats discussing shipping containers. The Speicherstadt is genuinely stunning at night, all lit up like a warehouse fever dream, and the Elbphilharmonie looks like a wave made of glass crashed into an old brick building. Reeperbahn at 2am is either the best or worst decision you'll make on your trip, depending entirely on your relationship with regret. Docked a star because it drizzles more than a leaky ship and everything closes distressingly early on Sundays."— Craig Pattinson, Grimsby
Property Listing
Charming canal-side apartment in Germany's 'Venice of the North,' offering front-row views of container ships gliding past like enormous metal swans! Walking distance to the Elbphilharmonie, the Fischmarkt, and at least four bridges more than actual Venice, because Hamburg has more bridges than Venice, Amsterdam, and London combined — a fact locals will mention within nine seconds of meeting you.
Twinned With
Rotterdam — Both are enormous ports run by extremely efficient people who will judge you for being late to anything.
Supporting Evidence
Despite the name, the hamburger sandwich almost certainly wasn't invented in Hamburg — the city's actual claim to fame is being one of the largest and busiest ports in Europe, moving millions of containers a year.