Overpriced Puddle Central

Official Coat of Arms

Upon a field of perpetual grey drizzle, a rampant tube map tangled in delays, supported by two estate agents holding eviction notices. Above, a crown of roadworks eternal, beneath which flows a river of contactless payments and the tears of first-time buyers.

TripAdvisor Review

★★★☆☆ 3/5

"Visited London expecting royal pageantry but spent most of my time queuing for the tube in the rain while my wallet emptied faster than the Thames at low tide. The museums are brilliant though, which is lucky since they're the only things left you can afford after buying a £6 pint. Boris bikes are great exercise, mainly from dodging the buses trying to kill you."

Property Listing

Welcome to this vibrant global metropolis where your cosy studio flat offers unparalleled connectivity to world-class culture and dining! The compact living space maximises efficiency while the authentic period features (single glazing and original damp) provide genuine London character that money simply cannot buy elsewhere.

Twinned With

Manhattan, because they're both places where paying £3,000 for a shoebox near a good transport link somehow seems reasonable.

Supporting Evidence

London has more people living in spaces smaller than a parking space than any other European capital, yet estate agents still describe these as 'bijou studios with character features' (the character feature being that you can touch all four walls simultaneously).