England, honestly

239 towns have been given the name they deserve. Yours next?

• Abingdon→Abingdon-on-Roundabouts★★★☆☆
• Accrington→Stanley Nowhere★★★☆☆
• Amersham→Quaint-But-Expensive-Upon-Thames★★★★☆
• Andover→Roundabout Junction, Hampshire★★★☆☆
• Ashford→Eurostar's Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Ashington→Pitmen's Town, Ball Street Legacy Edition★★★☆☆
• Aylesbury→Duckingham Palace★★★☆☆
• Banbury→Cross Bun Junction★★★☆☆
• Barnet→The Edge of Zone 5★★★☆☆
• Barnsley→Barnsley-on-Rhubarb★★★☆☆
• Barrow In Furness→Barrow-in-Furnace★★★☆☆
• Basildon→Roundabout Republic of Basildon★★★☆☆
• Basingstoke→Roundabout Capital of Hampshire★★★☆☆
• Bath→Steambath-on-Avon★★★☆☆
• Batley→Batley-on-the-A62★★★☆☆
• Bedford→Bunyan's Roundabout Republic★★★☆☆
• Bedfordshire→Perpetual Roadworks County★★★☆☆
• Beverley→Minster Under Market Days★★★☆☆
• Bicester→Outlet Mall Junction★★★☆☆
• Billingham→Chemical Valley Rest Stop★★★☆☆
• Birmingham→Second City Syndrome★★★☆☆
• Bishop Auckland→Bishop Awkward★★★☆☆
• Blackburn→Blackburn: Home of the 4,000 Holes★★★☆☆
• Blackpool→Las Vegasp★★★☆☆
• Bognor Regis→Bognor Regret-is★★★☆☆
• Bolton→Bolton-on-Wet-Cobbles★★★☆☆
• Boston→The Stump That Time Forgot★★★☆☆
• Bournemouth→Sandcastles and Stag Dos★★★☆☆
• Bracknell→Concreteopolis Regenerated★★★☆☆
• Bradford→Curry Capital of Confused Postcodes★★★☆☆
• Bridgwater→Bridgwater-Under-the-Cellophane★★★☆☆
• Bridlington→Bridlington-on-the-Windswept★★★☆☆
• Brighton→Pebble Beach Prices★★★☆☆
• Bristol→Banksy's Parking Nightmare★★★☆☆
• Bromley→Bromsylvania Shopping Suburb★★★☆☆
• Bromsgrove→Roundabout Central★★☆☆☆
• Bude→Bude: Where the Atlantic Comes to Ambush You★★★★☆
• Burgess Hill→Mid Sussex Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Burnley→Burnley-on-the-Up (Allegedly)★★★☆☆
• Burton Upon Trent→Burton-on-Hops★★★☆☆
• Bury→Bury: Bin It Or Bag It★★★☆☆
• Bury St Edmunds→Bury St Edmunds-on-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Cambridge→Punt Traffic Paradise★★★☆☆
• Canterbury→Cathedral City Traffic Jam★★★☆☆
• Carlisle→The Border Roundabout of Doom★★★☆☆
• Castleford→Castlefjord of the Outlet Malls★★★☆☆
• Chatham→Dockyard's Ghost★★★☆☆
• Chelmsford→Cul-de-Sac City★★★☆☆
• Cheltenham→Regency Retirement Central★★★☆☆
• Chester→Medieval Theme Park Upon Dee★★★☆☆
• Chesterfield→Crooked Spire City★★★☆☆
• Chichester→Roman Wall, Retail Small★★★★☆
• Chippenham→Chippenham-on-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Clacton On Sea→Clacton-on-Sea-of-Doubt★★★☆☆
• Cleethorpes→Costa Del Humberside★★★☆☆
• Clifton→Clifton-on-Overdraft★★★☆☆
• Colchester→Britain's Oldest Traffic Jam★★★☆☆
• Consett→Steel Town Without The Steel★★★☆☆
• Corby→Little Scotland-on-Nene★★★☆☆
• Coventry→Ring Road Roundabout City★★★☆☆
• Crawley→Gatwick's Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Crewe→Junction Central★★★☆☆
• Cromer→Crab Central of the North Norfolk Coast★★★☆☆
• Croydon→Croydonopolis-on-Tramline★★★☆☆
• Darlington→Railway's Cradle, Now A Bus Replacement Service★★★☆☆
• Dartford→Toll Booth Town★★★☆☆
• Darwen→Darwen: Tower Over Everything★★★☆☆
• Derby→Roundabout Central, Rams Division★★★☆☆
• Dewsbury→Dewsbury-le-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Didcot→Didcot: Cooling Towers Optional Now★★★☆☆
• Doncaster→Donny-on-the-A1★★★☆☆
• Dorking→Dorking Around★★★☆☆
• Dover→The White Cliffs of Traffic★★★☆☆
• Dudley→Capital of the Black Country★★★☆☆
• Durham→Cathedral-on-a-Hill With Zero Parking★★★★☆
• Ealing→Queen of the Suburbs (Abdicated)★★★☆☆
• Eastbourne→Departure Lounge-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Eastleigh→Southampton's Runway Overspill★★★☆☆
• Enfield→Endfield: Where London Gives Up★★★☆☆
• Epsom→Epsom-on-Sedative-Salts★★★☆☆
• Evesham→Asparagus-on-Avon★★★☆☆
• Exeter→Almost-Bristol-on-Exe★★★☆☆
• Fareham→Fareham: Between Junctions 9 and 11★★★☆☆
• Felixstowe→Container Town-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Fleetwood→Fleetwood: End of the Line★★★☆☆
• Folkestone→Eurotunnel's Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Frome→Somerset's Accidental Hipster Capital★★★★☆
• Gateshead→Newcastle's Car Park★★★☆☆
• Gillingham→Gilling-Ham-Not-Chatham★★★☆☆
• Gloucester→Magnificent Medieval Roundabout City★★★☆☆
• Goole→Goole, Actually★★★☆☆
• Gosport→Portsmouth's Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Grantham→Thatcher's Roundabout Junction★★★☆☆
• Gravesend→Cemetery Junction-on-Thames★★★☆☆
• Great Yarmouth→Great Yarmouth (Ambition Not Included)★★★☆☆
• Grimsby→Cod's Gift to Humberside★★★☆☆
• Guildford→Guilford-on-Gridlock★★★☆☆
• Halifax→Grim Up Yorkshire's Toffee Capital★★★☆☆
• Harlow→Roundabout City★★★☆☆
• Harrogate→Genteel Bankruptcy-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Hartlepool→Monkey Hangers-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Hastings→Battleground of the Snack Bar Crazy Golf★★★☆☆
• Havant→Havant-on-the-Way-to-Somewhere-Else★★★☆☆
• Hemel Hempstead→The Magic Roundabout Vortex★★★☆☆
• Hereford→Bull-Market Bull Town★★★☆☆
• High Wycombe→Chairsville-on-Congestion★★★☆☆
• Hinckley→Hinckley-on-the-Ring-Road★★★☆☆
• Horsham→Horsh-am I Bothered★★★☆☆
• Huddersfield→Huddersfield-on-Hills-and-Rain★★★☆☆
• Hull→Hull Yeah, Actually★★★☆☆
• Hunstanton→Sunset Cliffs of the Wash★★★☆☆
• Ilford→Ilford Lane Traffic Jam★★★☆☆
• Ilkley→Moorside Spa-ttitude★★★★☆
• Ipswich→Ip's Which Roundabout Now★★★☆☆
• John O Groats→World's Most Anticlimactic Destination★★★☆☆
• Keighley→Keighley-on-Nobody's-Radar★★★☆☆
• Kendal→Mintcake Junction★★★☆☆
• Kent→The Garden of Endless Roadworks★★★☆☆
• Kettering→Kettering-on-A14★★★☆☆
• Kidderminster→Carpet Capital of Perpetual Roadworks★★★☆☆
• Kings Lynn→King's Lynn't Bother★★★☆☆
• Kingston Upon Thames→Kingston Upon Traffic Jam★★★☆☆
• Lancaster→Lancaster-Upon-Traffic-Island★★★☆☆
• Leeds→White Rose Retail Republic★★★☆☆
• Leicester→Roundabout Central With A King Underneath★★★☆☆
• Lincoln→Uphill Both Ways★★★☆☆
• Littlehampton→Littlehamsterdam-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Liverpool→Scouseville-on-Mersey★★★★☆
• London→Overpriced Puddle Central★★★☆☆
• Loughborough→Loughborough-on-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Lowestoft→Britain's Easternmost Shrug★★★☆☆
• Luton→Airport Layby Central★★★☆☆
• Lydney→Almost-Wales-But-Not-Quite★★★☆☆
• Macclesfield→Silktown Hillclimb★★★☆☆
• Maidenhead→Slough's Posher Cousin★★★☆☆
• Maidstone→Maid-in-a-Traffic-Jam-Stone★★★☆☆
• Manchester→Perpetually Under Construction★★★☆☆
• Mansfield→Mansfield-on-Retail-Park★★★☆☆
• Margate→Dreamland's Last Stand★★★☆☆
• Middlesbrough→Transporter Bridge Purgatory★★★☆☆
• Milton Keynes→Roundabout City★★★☆☆
• Minehead→Butlin's-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Morecambe→Bay Watch (Without the Baywatch)★★★☆☆
• Newbury→Racecourse Roundabout Junction★★★☆☆
• Newcastle Upon Tyne→Newcastle Upon Puddle★★★★☆
• Newquay→Surfers' Overspill★★★☆☆
• Northamption→Shoe Town Centre Bypass★★★☆☆
• Northampton→Roundabout Junction, Shoe Town★★★☆☆
• Norwich→Norfolk 'n' Good Luck Getting Here★★★☆☆
• Nottingham→Sherwood Forest of Roundabouts★★★☆☆
• Nuneaton→Nuneaton-by-the-Ringroad★★★☆☆
• Oldham→Oldham: Cotton Ghost Town★★★☆☆
• Oswestry→Almost Wales, Actually England★★★☆☆
• Oxford→Traffic Cone University★★★★☆
• Paignton→Torquay's Scruffier Cousin★★★☆☆
• Penzance→Land's End Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Peterborough→Cathedral Amid The Car Parks★★★☆☆
• Plymouth→Mayflower Departure Lounge★★★☆☆
• Pontefract→Liquorice Roundabout Central★★★☆☆
• Portsmouth→Pompey Puddles-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Preston→Preston-Upon-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Radcliffe→Bury's Slightly Disappointing Cousin★★★☆☆
• Ramsgate→Ramsgate-on-Sea (Terms and Conditions Apply)★★★☆☆
• Reading→Roadwork-Upon-Thames★★★☆☆
• Redcar→Steel Ghost-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Redditch→Roundabout Capital of Britain★★★☆☆
• Redhill→Reigate's Overspill Roundabout Hub★★★☆☆
• Richmond Upon Thames→Poshmond-on-Traffic-Jam★★★★☆
• Ripon→Britain's Smallest Big Cathedral City★★★★☆
• Rochdale→Rochdale-on-the-Roch★★★☆☆
• Rochester→Dickens-on-Repeat★★★★☆
• Romford→Essex-by-Zone-6★★★☆☆
• Rotherham→Rothervalley Retail Sprawl★★★☆☆
• Royal Leamington Spa→Royal Leamington Sofa★★★★☆
• Royal Tunbridge Wells→Royal Tunbridge Smells-of-Money★★★★☆
• Rugby→Ovalball Junction★★★☆☆
• Salford→Manchester's Basement Flat★★★☆☆
• Salisbury→Spire-y McSpireface★★★★☆
• Scarborough→Scar-bore-ough-by-the-Sea★★★☆☆
• Selby→Abbey Town With An Abbey Complex★★★☆☆
• Sheffield→Steel City Retail Park★★★☆☆
• Shefford→Slightly-Better-Than-Biggleswade★★★☆☆
• Sherston→Sherston-Upon-Nothing-Much★★★☆☆
• Shrewsbury→Shrewsbury-on-Loop★★★★☆
• Sittingbourne→Sittingbore-on-Swale★★★☆☆
• Skegness→Skeg-Vegas-on-Sea★★★☆☆
• Skipton→Gateway to Nowhere in Particular★★★★☆
• Slough→The Betjeman Blast Zone★★★☆☆
• Solihull→Birmingham's Posher Cousin★★★☆☆
• South Shields→South Shields-on-Sea Breeze★★★★☆
• Southampton→Titanic Departures & Retail Parks★★★☆☆
• Southend On Sea→Southend-on-Sea-Where-The-Sea-Sometimes-Is★★★☆☆
• Southport→Pier Pressure★★★☆☆
• Spalding→Tulip Town Traffic Jam★★★☆☆
• St Albans→Verulamium Heights★★★★☆
• St Ives→Little Cornwall's Art Supply Shortage★★★☆☆
• Stafford→The M6 Layby of Staffordshire★★★☆☆
• Staines→Staines-upon-Traffic-Jam★★☆☆☆
• Staines Upon Thames→Staines-upon-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Stevenage→Roundabout City Central★★★☆☆
• Stockport→Stockport-on-Viaduct★★★☆☆
• Stockton On Tees→Stockton-on-Meh★★★☆☆
• Stoke On Trent→Kiln and Concrete★★★☆☆
• Stratford Upon Avon→Shakespeare-upon-Everything★★★☆☆
• Stroud→Steep Hills & Lentil Mills★★★☆☆
• Sunderland→Sunderland-on-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Sutton Coldfield→Royal Sutton Smugfield★★★☆☆
• Swindon→Roundabout-upon-Outlet★★★☆☆
• Tamworth→Ballswitch-on-Anker★★★☆☆
• Taunton→Junction 25 and Chill★★★☆☆
• Telford→New Town, Old Ironbridge Envy★★★☆☆
• Torquay→The English Riviera (Weather Not Included)★★★☆☆
• Trowbridge→Trow-Bored-idge★★★☆☆
• Tutshill→Barely-Not-Wales-Upon-Wye★★★☆☆
• Tynemouth→Priory Views, Parking Blues★★★★☆
• Uxbridge→Uxbridge Interchange Purgatory★★★☆☆
• Wakefield→Rhubarb Triangle Central★★★☆☆
• Walsall→Walsall-on-Ring-Road★★★☆☆
• Warrington→Junction of the M6, M56 and M62★★★☆☆
• Watford→Junction 5 Purgatory★★★☆☆
• Wellingborough→Wellingbore-ough★★★☆☆
• West Bromwich→West Bromwich-on-Ring-Road★★★☆☆
• Weston Super Mare→Weston Super Mudflat★★★☆☆
• Whitby→Draculopolis-on-Sea★★★★☆
• Whitehaven→Georgian Harbour, Nuclear Backyard★★★☆☆
• Whitley Bay→Windswept Ice Cream Coast★★★☆☆
• Wigan→Wigan Pier Pressure★★★☆☆
• Wimbledon→Two Weeks of Tennis, Fifty Weeks of Nothing★★★☆☆
• Winchester→Capital of Nothing Since 1066★★★★☆
• Windsor→Castle-Adjacent Parking Nightmare★★★☆☆
• Witney→Blanketsville-on-Windrush★★★☆☆
• Woking→Martian Landing Strip★★★☆☆
• Wolverhampton→Concrete Junction Central★★★☆☆
• Worcester→Saucy Cathedral Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Workington→Workington-on-Sea (Sort Of)★★★☆☆
• Worksop→Worksop-on-Roundabout★★★☆☆
• Worthing→Brighton's Waiting Room★★★☆☆
• Yeovil→Yeo-Vault of the South West★★★☆☆
• York→Ye Olde Traffic Jam★★★★☆

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