Expensive Cigarette Café Central

Official Coat of Arms

A golden croissant rampant upon a field of dog excrement, supported by two cigarettes crossed beneath the Arc de Triomphe, with a metro rat passant holding a €20 note in its teeth, crowned with a yellow vest to represent the eternal spirit of complaint.

TripAdvisor Review

★★★☆☆ 3/5

"Visited the Louvre expecting culture, got a 3-hour queue and a glimpse of Mona Lisa from 20 meters behind a crowd of selfie sticks. The Metro smelled like a urinal but at least it was on strike so I got some exercise walking everywhere. Paid €15 for a sandwich that would cost €3 anywhere else, but hey, at least the waiter ignored me with authentic Parisian flair."

Property Listing

Charming 12m² studio apartment with 'cozy' slanted ceiling (duck required) and authentic period features including original 1960s plumbing! Located just 45 minutes from central Paris by Metro (when it's running), this bijou property offers unparalleled investment potential at only €2,500 per month. The shared courtyard provides delightful acoustics to enjoy your neighbors' conversations at 3am!

Twinned With

Venice — Both cities where locals have completely given up and handed the keys to Instagram influencers and tour groups.

Supporting Evidence

Paris has more dog waste collectors (called 'canisettes') than some small towns have total residents, yet somehow the pavements still require an obstacle course qualification to navigate safely.