Hastings, England
Battleground of the Snack Bar Crazy Golf
"We lost one battle in 1066, we've been winning at chip shops ever since"
Official Coat of Arms
A shield bearing a broken arrow through a golden crown, flanked by two tall wooden net shops leaning at suspicious angles, above a scroll reading 'Nearly' in faded Latin. The crest features the East Hill funicular railway cart, permanently stuck at a 45-degree angle.
TripAdvisor Review
★★★☆☆ 3/5
"Came for the historical significance, stayed because the funicular railway broke down and stranded us halfway up the cliff. The Old Town is genuinely charming with its net shops and cobbled streets, but the seafront arcade strip feels like it's stuck in 1987, and not in a cool retro way. Also nobody can actually agree on where the battle happened, which feels on brand for a town whose defining moment was a loss."— Geoffrey Plantagenet-ish, Royal Tunbridge Wells
Property Listing
Charming clifftop character property in historic Hastings, offering breathtaking Channel views, a vibrant fishing heritage, and unbeatable proximity to one of England's most iconic non-events. Ideal for buyers who love net shops, steep hills, and telling dinner guests the battle wasn't even here.
Twinned With
Waterloo — Both towns are internationally famous for a battle they didn't actually win on the day, technically.
Supporting Evidence
The Battle of Hastings didn't actually take place in Hastings — it happened about seven miles away in the town now called, appropriately, Battle.