Staines-upon-Traffic-Jam

Official Coat of Arms

A silver roundabout rampant on a field of grey concrete, supported by two dejected shopping trolleys. Above, a motorway bridge spans the shield, whilst below flows a ribbon bearing the inscription 'At Least We're Not Slough'.

TripAdvisor Review

★★☆☆☆ 2/5

"Visited Staines expecting nothing and somehow left disappointed. The Two Rivers shopping centre has all the charm of a Soviet bunker, but at least the Wetherspoons was reliable. Spent more time in traffic getting there than actually exploring, which might have been a blessing. The River Thames looks genuinely confused about why it bothers flowing through here."

Property Listing

Perfectly positioned for the discerning commuter who appreciates excellent transport links! This vibrant town offers unparalleled access to the M25 orbital motorway and boasts a thriving retail destination at Two Rivers. The historic River Thames provides a charming backdrop for this dynamic Surrey location.

Twinned With

Junction-15-Services — Both places where people stop reluctantly and leave as quickly as possible.

Supporting Evidence

Staines was so keen to rebrand itself that it officially changed its name to Staines-upon-Thames in 2012, apparently hoping people would forget about the Ali G connection and focus on the river instead.